How does the need for belonging impact our sense of freedom?

The need for belonging is one of our most fundamental human needs. It is essential for our emotional and psychological well-being, and it is deeply connected to how we experience love and connection in our lives. I believe that we can draw a parallel between the feeling of belonging and the expression of love. This sense of belonging can be cultivated with anyone – a child, a parent, a partner, a friend, or anyone else with whom we share a bond of unity.

However, this approach to belonging doesn’t imply ownership or control over another person. Rather, it means experiencing the other as a part of ourselves. When we view someone in this way, our actions toward them are naturally filled with love and care. This sense of belonging encourages us to act in a way that is respectful and kind, never doing to them what we would not want done to ourselves.

When we feel that sense of unity with another, it can create a profound closeness – they become a part of us. But for some, the fear of true belonging may stem from past traumatic experiences. Perhaps they once thought they had this sense of belonging, only to realize it was more about possession than mutual connection. In such cases, leaving a relationship can leave us feeling hurt and rejected.

Consider the example of a parent who, instead of nurturing a sense of true belonging with their child, treats them as their possession. This parent may only accept their child if they meet certain expectations, and if the child deviates from these expectations, they are rejected or made to feel unwanted. An unaccepted child loses the freedom to express their true self – their authenticity. This behavior occurs when the parent does not accept the child as part of themselves, but rather as something that must conform to their own desires.

As this child grows, if they are not allowed to express themselves freely and authentically, they may develop an exaggerated need for independence – a fear that their freedom could be taken away. In such situations, the fear of losing freedom often comes from within. It is not the external world that takes our freedom, but our own inhibition in expressing our true selves out of fear of rejection.

For a person to be capable of true connection and a real sense of belonging, they must first confront and free themselves from the fear of losing their freedom. Overcoming this fear requires them to express their authentic self – to live truthfully and embrace their uniqueness. Only when we allow ourselves to be fully expressed as we truly are can we truly connect with others and experience the deep sense of belonging that we all crave.

The real challenge here lies in overcoming the painful experiences of rejection that many have endured in the past. When we are accepted without being allowed to show who we truly are, it is not genuine acceptance. True acceptance comes when we are seen for who we truly are – when our essence is embraced by others, just as we are. Yes, some may reject us when we reveal our authentic self, but those who truly accept us will do so completely, and that acceptance is invaluable.

In the end, this creates a profound sense of unity and love that transcends any external force or obstacle. It is the kind of belonging that nurtures growth, freedom, and unconditional love.